For the longest time, I thought I was the only bride-to-be who cared more about building a strong, enduring marriage than what will adorn the tables at the wedding. I felt jaded after buying stacks of wedding magazines (or what Jacobina Martin refers to as "bridal porn") because so much of what they contained just didn't make sense to me. I'm supposed to hire a calligrapher? I need to give my guests a program? HUH?!
So many of today's wedding usuals are something that only registered on my radar because I was mentioning them to my groom to tell him I had no interest in doing it. I am doing most of the planning, not because I am the bride so much as I am a planner by nature, but as I see it as our day, I am involving him in as much as possible (but certainly not the dress shopping!). I don't need a calligrapher--I have a printer, the post office prefers readable envelopes, and the large majority of guests won't notice or care. Programs seem silly when attendees should know at least one of us, our invitation will have the time listed, and hopefully they know they're there to witness our nuptials.
Other things we elected to omit were favors, because a) they're usually cheap and cheesy and get left behind anyway; b) the guests aren't coming for a chintzy little present; and c) the day is not about stuff. Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to get a gift that is approximately equal to the amount it cost us for your attendance.
When I got engaged, I did what I thought I was supposed to do and immersed myself in bridal magazines. I wasted no time--2 days after our engagement I flew, and I bought a Brides magazine in the airport. For the longest time after that, for the first time, I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married because of everything I needed to do in the next 13 months, pay for, and create. I knew I wanted to marry my guy, we were in agreement that we wanted our friends and family to witness said wedding, I knew I wanted the traditional white dress and him in a tux, but was it just going to be a huge headache?
Divorce runs in my family like hair color, so I was (and remain) more focused on what comes after the wedding (and I don't mean the wedding night) than creating a production of a wedding. I felt like a fish out of water, and the reactions I got from a few girl friends when I announced that I was not having table toppers were like I'd just told them I was an axe murderer. Then I picked up Miss Manners' book and knew I wasn't alone.
This isn't to say I'm not enjoying planning--I am, but only because I have allowed myself to do what works for us and say to hell with the rest. I want a sweet, simple day that is rich in family and love. If you find yourself floundering in a sea of modern-day wedding commandments, do not fear--you are not alone, and you now have a partner-in-crime and resource.
No comments:
Post a Comment